Big Things on the Way!
Despite being somewhat back in action on this account, I haven't really talked much about what I'm working on. It's time to change that! During my absence, you see, I've been hard at work on a massive project, easily the biggest I've ever worked on. That's right, even bigger than The Clocksmith and The Channeler combined!
I'm making a game! A tabletop RPG, to be specific. It's been seven years in the making, although I didn't realize this is what I was doing at the start. What's more, I have a team! The game is being worked on by myself, three(ish) artists, a creative director, and several specialist consultants. All of these other people are good friends of mine and I'm eternally grateful to them for helping this game become the gem we all know it is.
As excited as I am to start talking all about the rules and the setting, that will have to wait for another time. There will be an official website and blog coming in the near future and that's where most of the good details will end up posted. I'll be sure to let you all know about it, for those of you who might be around and interested when that does go up.
So yes, I have most certainly been busy as can be in these past few years. The goal is to get the book's crowdfunding phase launched in 2024, so it's been a whirlwind for me the past few months in particular. I hope some of you will be interested in checking out more info as it comes!
Am I Back?
So many things seem to be ending, and yet here I am, coming back to this account. How long has it been? ...Four years? Wow, that's a while to be away. What have you all been up to in all this time?
As for me, I've been writing the whole time. Some of the writing has been put onto real, physical paper and then not shown to anyone. Much of it has been freelance work, done under a pseudonym. Not to brag, but I've been successful enough with my alter ego to make it my full-time job. Until the robot apocalypse, but perhaps I'll save story that for another time. The funny thing about writing for other people, though, is that I haven't had much time to write for myself. Writing for others has taught me a great deal and I feel I'm a better author for it, but I'm ready to give myself more time for my own projects.
Does this mean I'll be posting here again? To be honest, I'm not sure yet. I have no idea if any of my old friends are still here. I don't even know if DeviantART is still a good site on which to share my stories and poetry. But on the off chance someone is still here, wondering how I've been, here I am! I'm doing well and might even share some more information about just what I've been up to in a future journal.
Feel free to say hello if you'd like! It's always good to know who's still around. Otherwise, the internet can start to feel like a rather empty place.
The World Does Not Love Me Back
Today, I found out from my academic adviser that I'm likely going to have to move to another college again. This will be the fourth college I've attended since returning to school. No matter what, it looks like it will take at least an extra year to earn my degree. Frankly, it's gotten to the point where I wish I had stopped at two years and contented myself with an Associate's degree. True, I wouldn't be able to be a classroom teacher with a degree like that, but that brings me to my other big conflict 2020 has me facing...
I'm tired. Tired of being offered false promises by colleges, tired of the hectic way so many people live, tired of society really. There was a time I wanted to be rich. Now I don't even want to be wealthy. Give me a small patch of land, a garden to tend, and alpacas to watch over and I'll be happy so long as I can still put tea in my cup and poems on a page. I know the life I want, but I don't know how to get there. The worst part of it all is, the people closest to me say it's laziness or lack of ambition. Maybe I am all those things, but I'm afraid to surrender and go with the currents of the rest of the world. I've been down that path before and there's nothing but misery waiting for me.
I love the world with all my heart, as a child loves a first crush.
The world does not love me back.
Start of a Decade
End of a Decade
This is hardly the first decade I've seen come to a close, but oddly enough, this is the first time I've been aware that it might mean something. What does it mean, exactly? I'm not sure, but allow me to reflect on what's happened since this past summer. While I feel largely the same as ever, a lot has happened that in all right should have changed me.
I started a job in education on September 1. I was overjoyed at first; the building was so new I myself had helped build it in months past and the job was in my field of study. On paper, there couldn't have been a better opportunity. Before Halloween, I had lost the job. I won't go into too much detail for the sake of confidentiality, but there were major issues with the way the facility was being managed and when I brought it up to the boss, I was pushed to resign. So I did resign. Working there didn't give me any joy like I thought it would and I'm glad to be gone.
From this, I learned that a paycheck and competitive employee benefits don't make me happy.
In mid-October, I nearly lost my place in my classes. I still feel like I've lost something in the college experience, but I don't know what that might be. I received news yesterday that I've passed teacher candidacy and will be allowed to student-teach in the coming autumn, but that doesn't make me happy either. This is worrying, because I've put nearly four years now into reaching that goal. Now that the goal is finally within grasp, I fear it might not be what I want. But why? I do love teaching, but I worry there's something about it that isn't for me, some key piece I'm unable to see yet. My grades have been slipping while I've been worrying over these ephemeral questions and that makes me worry all the more.
Much more recently than all that, some drama in my circle of friends has started up that might lead to me being cast out entirely. I really don't want to lose them, as they're the only friends I have. But at the same time, I acknowledge I'm very much the black sheep of the group. This is still unfolding, so we'll see what happens.
With all this negativity, you'd be forgiven for thinking I've fallen victim to depression. But do I still know what makes me happy. All these sad tidings have given me ample opportunity to reflect on what truly does bring me joy. I long for a quiet, simple life. A few alpacas and hens to tend to, perhaps a pig for bacon but mostly selling to others, tea with friends, books on a quiet evening, a fire in the wood stove. The music of wind in the birches, the rhythm of the seasons, a poem forming in my mind. There's so much beauty in that sort of life that it brings tears to my eyes. I've been there before. I don't know if I'll ever get there again.
It's high time I cast negativity aside. I know it's only December, but I'm here to give my New Year's Resolution nonetheless. I'm going to go out seeking that life I wish, no matter what roads I must travel down. A lot of people and things I consider important now might not come with me, but if they don't, then perhaps they weren't as important as I first imagined.
Yes, I've still been writing poetry all this time. And as I travel down the new decades roads, I'll continue to write the song I've yet to find words for, the song of my heart.